Graduation is something I have been working towards now for.... so many years I've lost track (I've never been good at math). And now that I am nearing the end, I have no idea what I am going to do. Which, consequently effects where I am going to live and makes it all around more stressful.
On one hand, I am still working at a job that I like very much, in a field I know very little about. I like the job because I can take off whenever I want. They don't seem to mind that I'm not an early riser, or that it consistently takes me an hour to get ready even though I only ever give myself a half hour to do hair, make-up, etc. They like me well enough. My boss calls me beautiful. Etc. etc. However, I would like to work a job that offered benefits, that I could see myself working there for many years (nothing so far has interested me quite that much) and will eventually allow me to buy: a new car, a new computer, a house, a trip to foreign countries.... and the like.
On the other hand, I would like to eventually see myself out of Provo. I have many friends in Provo, but the older we get the more I realize that I am going to lose my friends to jobs, marriage, adventures, etc. And I can just see myself being stuck in Provo with a bunch of college freshman for the rest of my life. But I feel like if I leave Provo, then I've conceded, and that I have admitted defeat. If I leave Provo, I may remain single the rest of my life. I realize that this is not a rational thought, and that all of my aunts and uncles and cousins have found their spouses outside of Provo...but that doesn't make me think any more rationally. Leaving Provo without a husband has never been an option. I thought. I don't know.
On the third alien hand, I am scared to death to leave Provo into a world of unknown. It isn't as though I've received a teaching degree or a law degree or some degree whereby I may find a good job anywhere I want to end up. First, I don't really know where I want to end up. And second, I don't have a degree I can do anything with. What little geographical knowledge I had, I've lost it by being out of school and without use for it over the past year. So yes, I'll have a four year degree. But that means nothing when you don't know how to use it.
In the end, I see myself continuing to work for KMA, living paycheck to paycheck out of my car. Because I can't find a place in Provo where I want to live and I don't trust moving in with people I don't know. That never really works out for me.
My thought comes from Sacrament meeting today:
I do not believe that any man lives up to his ideals, but if we are striving, if we are working, if we are trying, to the best of our ability, to improve day by day, then we are in the line of our duty. If we are seeking to correct our own faults, if we are so living that we can ask God for light, for knowledge, for intelligence, and above all, for His Spirit, that we may overcome our weaknesses, then, I can tell you, we are in the straight and narrow path that leads to life eternal.-President Heber J. Grant
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